RealGM Football: Locker Talk - Eli Promised A Seat At Adult Table On Thanksgiving

	More from RealGM NBA: Houston Attempting Another Comeback? MLB: Matsui Hopes To Stay With Yankees NHL: Wings' Holmstrom Says He Is Fine
Index News Scores & Statistics Draft Simulator Team Columns Transactions NFL Forum

RealGM Feature - Locker Talk

Wiretap | Feature Pieces | Feature Articles | Featured Columnists | Team Columns | Past Polls

16th Jun, 2008
Eli Promised A Seat At Adult Table On Thanksgiving

1st May, 2008
Raiders Looking To Add Another Unproven Running Back

Full Archive

Which team will win Super Bowl XLIII

Patriots
Chargers
Colts
Cowboys
Eagles
Giants
Packers
Vikings
Steelers
Jaguars
Seahawks
Saints
Panthers
Other

Poll Archives

Don't miss your chance for football betting at BetUS.com. As America's #1 sportsbook, BetUS offers the most up-to-date betting lines & odds for all your betting needs.

Eli Promised A Seat At Adult Table On Thanksgiving

16th June, 2008 - 8:54 pm

Current Features

Team Rankings For College Football After Week 2

Using our Criticals Counter, we examine the AP top-15 of college football, as well as why Alabama and Texas Tech were very ordinary on Saturday and why East Carolina might be the best story through the first two weeks of 2008.

7th September, 2008.

College Football Player Rankings (QB, RB, WR) After Week 2

Chase Clement of Rice, Shun White of Navy and Dante Love of Ball State are the FIC leaders, but Juice Williams, Jahvid Best and Michael Crabtree are quickly gaining.

7th September, 2008.

PLAYER RANKINGS:

RealGM’s 2008 FFL Rankings 4.0

In addition to our big board of 225 – a unique number for a unique website – we have isolated players based on position and broken them down into tiers.

20th August, 2008.

Hall Of Shame

Why is Art Monk in the Hall now, and Cris Carter isn't? Well, you have to understand the selection process first, where media representatives make the case for their players.

4th February, 2008.

How GMs Build Winning Rosters

While everyone focuses on the marquee players that will be drafted on day one this Saturday, the key to building a winning team is by acquiring 5-7 impact makers. It was Marques Colston last year, who will it be this year?

23rd April, 2007.

Click Here

By Buster Gunning

Little Eli Manning, fresh off a Superbowl victory against the New England Patriots, has been promised a seat at the adult table this upcoming Thanksgiving in what promises to be the most heartwarming, gratifying, and uplifting story of 2008.

There will be an extra chair at the adult table this Thanksgiving at the Manning household. Formerly relegated to the fold-up card table in the living room with the rest of the Manning rejects and riff-raff, young Eli Manning has been tentatively promised room at the dining room table.

Sources close to the family say that this has nothing to do with his recent Superbowl victory and subsequent pedantic trip to Disney - whatever. Rather, one of the older family members died of a SARS/Ebola hybrid recently, and a slot has opened up.

“All I had to do was promise to keep the spork out of my nose and refrain from doing anything else inappropriate,” Eli remarked. “Yes, in my family we use sporks.”

For those unfamiliar with the spork, it is a remarkabe spoon/fork fusion useful in both poaching food and sipping soup simultaneously.

Older, more distinguished brother Peyton Manning wants to throw the flag on the Thanksgiving roster move.

“One lucky pass against a team that wasn’t allowed to cheat properly, and he gets a roster spot at the adult table? What about all the poor bookies in Las Vegas who lost money because of his Superbowl antics? Who is going to help them get their respective lives back on track?”

Spork this!: Buster.Gunning@realgm.com

The preceding article was a piece of satirical fiction.