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I love the NFL. So do you, most likely, if you’re reading this. So do so many North Americans that most non-football stations (other than HBO) don’t bother putting anything good on Sundays. That doesn’t mean that the NFL is without its faults, though. Here are ten things that I just can’t stand…
1. Cutting star players
In high school, college, rec leagues or anywhere other than a pro league, being cut from the team means that the player just isn’t good enough. In the NFL, where non-guaranteed contracts stuffed with dozens of pages’ worth of stipulations reign, cutting a player often has nothing to do with talent. Relinquishing an expensive contract and getting rid of a training camp disappointment result in the exact same action, which just seems wrong. What can I say? I was a perpetually injured backup in high school and since I was never cut, I’ve been cut fewer times than Ty Law! Even something as simple as a new term could help here.
Failed contract negotiations aren’t as bad. Every sport has its “star player throws a hissy fit and then leaves in free agency” moment. It seems to happen about once a day during the average NFL summer, but that’s just the way the collective bargaining agreement goes…
2. When players have awful games
This article was originally going to be about my (successful!) quest to see Sunday’s Eagles/Panthers, and then mainly on the game. Given that the last time I wrote on Carolina was January’s catastrophe in Arizona, though, I didn’t want to spend a whole other article on this apparent “Panthers lose at home by 20+ points” theme. Needless to say, I really feel for Jake Delhomme right now. The first pick he threw was like a bizarre version of Kyle Orton’s game-winner.
3. When fans place too much blame on players who have awful games
The NFL, more than any other sport, is utterly dependent on teamwork. One NBA player can get 20 points, 10 rebounds and 5 blocks (here’s looking at you, Tim Duncan) and drastically alter the playing space. One MLB player can hit .350 with 50+ home runs and… well, be Albert Pujols. In the NFL, everyone’s reliant on everyone else.
My example, of course, is poor Delhomme. His offensive line did nothing to help him, especially on the interior. Steve Smith had less receiving yards than Sheldon Brown had interception return yards (chew on that while you whine to the media, Smith, as much as I love you). Most telling of all, NFL.com’s Panthers depth chart had Chris Harris injured with no backup. Winning’s a team effort and so is losing. A quarterbacking performance like Delhomme’s this week is like a pitcher giving up six earned runs and teammates’ errors giving up another four.
4. When great individual efforts are wasted
Richard Seymour was understandably upset when New England traded him to Oakland… what, was it even a week ago? He was the best player on a defense that was feeling the sting of last year’s 11-5 missed playoff season, to go with an offense featuring Tom Brady and Fred Taylor. All of a sudden, right as the season’s about to start (it was a welcome surprise to hear that he’d be able to play in Week 1!), he has to move across the country, relocate his family, including four school-aged children, and learn an entirely new system. It’s a good thing the Raiders implemented a system that’s easy to learn.
How does Seymour respond? He gets four tackles and two sacks in the first half. He played at three different spots on the line, constantly harried Philip Rivers, made life utterly unbearable for the Chargers’ O… all so the Raiders’ linebackers and secondary could give up a series of passes of varying lengths in the last two minutes and blow a game they should have won. Let’s hope Seymour doesn’t have to endure this kind of abandonment all season, for his sake and for Raider Nation.
5. When teams blow leads
Q: What do the Bills and the Raiders have in common?
A: They both took fourth-quarter leads over opponents who’ve beaten them in their last eleven meetings, only to cough up those games like phlegm. On the same opening Monday night. I’m going to go out on a limb and say that this has never happened before. I really hope it doesn’t happen again.
As inspiring as comebacks can be, fans often forget that whenever a team makes a comeback, another team blows a lead. Going up and then letting the game slip away is the exact opposite of inspiring, and it happened twice on a night that usually only has one game. So many touchdowns are the result of breakdowns, so many drives come by idle defenses, and so many Hail Mary attempts (insert JaMarcus Russell) get picked. It’s too bad, but I guess that’s what happens when an underdog takes a lead against a team that, statistically, beats it every time worth mentioning.
6. The seemingly phantasmal quality of two-minute drills and overtime drives
Maybe it’s the extra adrenaline in my system, or maybe it’s because I’m paying closer attention, but two-minute drills yield a lot of scores. Beyond that, the average play is longer, usually about eight yards instead of three. The obvious extrapolation is to ask why teams don’t play this way all game, to which the obvious (correct) answer is that they’d be too predictable. Why aren’t they too predictable late in the game then? The defense knows what the offense is doing, every single time – sideline patterns, tight end 15-20 yards over the middle if there’s a timeout, passing to the chains… yet it works shockingly often. Then again, I did just watch the Raiders’ and Bills’ defenses, so perhaps there’s something there.
Overtime is even weirder. The opening coin toss so often determines the outcome of an overtime game, as the team with the opening drive tends to win the game on that drive. Compare this with the opening drive of regulation, which usually results in a punt. What’s so magical about that first drive of overtime? This is pretty much the NFL’s Caramilk secret. It does make the closest games often feel like they’re really coming down to coin tosses though. (Or if it’s a Steelers/Lions game, backstabbing, intrigue and chicanery.)
7. Injuries, injuries and more injuries
The NFL’s short season means that each injury for a specific length of time keeps a player out for a larger portion of the season. (For example, a NBA or NHL player sustaining a four-week injury only misses about 1/7 of the season, whereas the same injury will keep a NFL player out for 1/4 of the season.) Compounding this is that NFL injuries are most likely to be of the long-time-out variety. Every week, there’s another player who’s out for the season. This week, Week 1 at that, it was Brian Urlacher. Just when the Bears looked healthy enough to make a serious run at the entire NFC, their defensive MVP is looking at a season of resting off surgery while watching his teammates. Well, at least there’s Derrick Brooks. (I hope they get him, by the way.)
8. Blackouts
I can understand team, league and network frustration at fans not buying tickets or showing up to games. That said, does anyone really think that denying the product to TV viewers is a viable way to gain fan support? Ultimately, it has to come to down to the notion that while it’s great to have as many people there as possible, a TV viewer is far superior to no viewer at all. Taking ticket prices and family sizes into account, it’s not feasible for most American families to be at every home game. While the live NFL experience is incredible, it has the advantage of being a sport that’s also very exciting on TV. It would only be merciful to lift the blackouts.
9. Too many games at 1PM, not enough games at 4PM
Nine games at 1PM and four at 4PM is too disparate a differential. I understand that live games generally start at 1PM (although NFC East matchups provide common exceptions and Fox thanks them profusely), but the distribution of games is defeating the whole notion of flipping around stations. With the nine games at 1PM, it’s extremely difficult to catch more than half in any meaningful way. Conversely, with one of the 4PM games moved to Monday this week, there were only three games at 4PM, meaning that viewers could end up in the dreaded they’re-all-on-commercials zone. Changing the nine to four distribution to eight and five, and then moving one of the 1PM games when there’s a Thanksgiving/Saturday/additional Monday game, can only help matters.
10. Overly racy cheerleading outfits
Last, and least, I decided to go with something that isn’t very serious but that I think has a serious impact on the ambiance of the game. It’s not that kids shouldn’t see women wearing little clothing, or that there’s a moral issue, because neither are the case. Sexy, sparingly-dressed women are a needless distraction from football.
I think it’s wonderful for teams to have cheerleading squads, especially if the women are local students who are getting their tuition funded for showing team spirit. Football’s about toughness, though, and while the image of a woman in what’s basically a push-up bra and hot pants is very appealing, it’s not tough.
One of my favorite cheerleader outfits is the one the Eagles’ cheerleaders wear once lesser coverings are no longer feasible in the weather. It’s a track suit. Women… football… athletic! Brilliant! As an aside, the pants are tight enough to mollify the more prurient viewers, while the look is professional and screams football. The best one has to be the Packers’ cheerleaders wearing parkas in January – there’s no better way to express that they’re cheering for a cold-weather team. You can still see their faces, at least.
So there they are, ten reasons the immortal of pro sports leagues isn’t quite a deity. I’m sure you’ll all skewer me for the last pick. So be it – these are such minor reflections that they don’t hold much weight anyway. At least Delhomme only got 1/5 of an article instead of the full walloping he got in January. Every part of the NFL I didn’t mention here? Yeah, I love it, and don’t act like you don’t too.
