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Playoff-bound teams and impersonators alike were able to pad their records at an astounding rate this season against the likes of Detroit, Kansas City, and St. Louis.
Between Lane Kiffin at Tennessee and openings at Clemson, Washington, Syracuse, Mississippi State and Purdue, there are fertile jobs out there.
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Welcome to the top 30 recap; 10 quarterbacks, 10 wideouts, and 10 running backs, hopefully none of these guys were on your bench. Here’s some salt for that wound and some witty commentary to boot, Monday night won’t be included although I do like Vick and don’t like Brees (not personally, but as players).
Top Ten Quarterbacks
1. Brett Favre: 340yd, 3/0
Where did this guy come from? I wouldn’t have even recommended starting him and he goes for three TDs and 340 against the Lions. Oh.. wait.. against the Lions, got it. So he’s not likely to repeat this stellar performance.
2. Matt Hasselbeck: 227td, 5/3
I don’t know whether to pay attention to the five Tds or the three garbage time pickoffs. The Haws were up 42-3 so I’m going with the former.
3. Mark Brunell: 261yds, 1/0
He only had the one touchdown toss but he was 24 for 27 in completions. If your league rewards accuracy that will more than make up for the lack of
TD throws.
4. Donovan Mcnabb: 296yds, 2/0
The Mcnabb “I’m baaaaack” tour continues as he lit up a porous 49ers secondary.
5. Chris Simms: 139yds, 1/1
I’m sorry I just can’t rate a guy who lost his spleen for the team lower than this.
6. Carson Palmer: 193yds, 4/2
A weird day for the league’s best as he threw for minimal yards and maximum scores. Part of the problem was that pesky Bengal’s defense which kept giving him the ball in Steeler territory. He was also sacked six times which indicates he wasn’t given much but short routes to choose from.
7. J.P. Losman: 328yds, 1/1
I never thought I’d utter “Losman, top ten” but he did enough to get some points and put his team in a position to win. Maybe the youngster has some potential after all.
8. Mark Bulger: 309yds, 1/0
You can thank me for this one as me trading him cleared the way for a pro bowl season.
9. Alex Smith: 293yds, 1/0
He was inaccurate most of the day but he’s way ahead of schedule at this point. You might want to pick him up in case he ever faces the Lions.
10. Eli Manning: 275yds, 3/3
Yeah, he took advantage of a 4th quarter SeaChickens prevent defense but the points still count the same.
Top Ten Running Backs
1. Willie Parker: 133yds, 2td
After being invisible on Monday night he bounced back in a big way against the Bengals. Now if only Big Ben could’ve avoided all those picks..
2. Brian Westbrook: 117yds, 2td
He had eight carries. For 117 yards. That’s 14.6 per carry!! Okay, 71 of that came on one play but the Eagles need to start figuring out a way to get this guy substantial carries so Westbrook owners can feast at the fantasy table.
3. Willis McGahee: 150yds, 0td
The Bills ran him and ran him. And then they ran him some more. This is a great sign and the scores will eventually come.
4. Ladell Betts: 124yds, 1td
Lost in the Portis return is the fact that the Redskins have another back who can run. Then again maybe the Texans couldn’t stop a high school team.
5. Maurice Jones-Drew: 103yds, 0td
What’s not to like? He took his wife’s name and hyphenated for us and he’s a great handcuff to fragile Fred Taylor. Unless of course you didn’t handcuff. Oops.
6. Tatum Bell: 123yds, 0 td
Tatum proved to be the best Bell available and beat up a Patriots defense that now operates more on reputation than actual stopping power.
7. Edgerrin James: 94yds, 1td
He couldn’t get the extra six yards for the century mark bonus some leagues provide but running behind the Arizona line should be worth some type of bonus all by itself.
8. Clinton Portis: 86yds, 2td
He also had a 74yd reception which means were about a week away from him dressing as a parrot for interviews.
9. Kevin Jones: 81yds, 1td
I think he had one touchdown run all of last year so you’ve got to be grateful he still knows where the endzone is without a map. He’s also getting an average of five catches a game which is nice if you’ve got a reception points league.
10. Ronnie Brown: 90yds, 0td
He was actually below average but the fins kept running him anyway. I guess you could call that a hopeful sign for next week’s Texans match-up.
Top Ten Wide Receivers
1. Javon Walker: 3 catches, 130yds, 2td
When a guy takes two of three to the house you’ve got to wonder why they aren’t throwing to him every down, forget the double team.
2. Roy Williams: 7 catches, 138yds, 1td
He’s about doubled his yardage every game so you’ve got to figure he’s going for 280 next week. It’s nice to see him finally try.
3. T.J. Houshmandzadeh: 9 catches, 94yd, 2d
The Steelers losing Chris Hope was bad news on Sunday as T.J. flew by them over and over again.
4. Torry Holt: 8 catches, 120yds, 1td
Bulger woke up and so did Torry. Actually Torry has probably been awake the whole time looking at his sleepy QB.
5. Braylon Edwards: 5 catches, 116yds, 1td
That’s his second 100yd game in a row and you can tell Frye is starting to love him. It’s looking like the Wolverine days all over again for this guy.
6. Andre Johnson: 11 catches, 152yds, 0td
Let’s see here, the Texans are always losing meaning Johnson is always catching. I don’t see that changing anytime in the near future.
7. Anquan Boldin: 10 catches, 129yds, 0td
The Cardinals have found their Kwan a few years after the fictional movie told them to do so.
8. Derrick Mason: 7 catches, 132yds, 0td
He’s now a difference maker for a team that used to not be able to score. I’m still not willing to start giving “Scare Mcnair” the love yet though.
9. Muhsin Muhammad: 9 catches, 118yds, 0td
Minnesota played him tight and he’s got the “Brad Johnson Experiment” at quarterback. For this effort we salute him.
10. Steve Smith: 7 catches, 112yds, 0td
The toughest little man in football came back with a splash. It’s only a matter of time before he takes over his rightful crown as the best in the game.
So that’s the deal, if you had a player in every one of these lists you are sitting pretty. If you had more than one in any of the lists you’ve most likely cheated. Check back next week for another exciting edition of the recap!
