| Authored by Randolph Charlotin - 23rd December, 2008 - 10:32 am
 Times are tough, and everybody is feeling it. People are losing their homes and their jobs. Chrysler just closed all 30 auto manufacturing plants for 30 days, forcing 46,000 employees on furlough. The government had to bail out banks for $700 billion.
The NFL is concerned, not just for their fans, but about the league's bottom line. The league already announced playoff ticket prices will be reduced so the upper middle class can afford the middle class' tickets being sold on StubHub. The decision saves fans money, but it doesn't save jobs as the NFL laid-off 150 employees.
The league is far from done as far as making cuts and finding new revenue. While the accountants pour over the books, here are few suggestions to consider:
Cancel the Pro Bowl
No one watches anyway. Just can the glorified exhibition. Besides, many of the players selected to play will develop mystery injuries -- "I tore my ACLU. It keeps me from tying my shoelaces." -- and won't participate. Everyone and their third cousin knows Tennessee defensive tackle Albert Haynesworth won't play. He's not risking his upcoming huge free agency payday. Haynesworth would rather strain his back carrying his signing bonus to the bank than risk his health by throwing his weight around in a worthless game for a pathetic game check.
And how much of an honor is it when a third alternate is playing after two people ahead of him opt for a vacation with family in Spain instead of Hawaii...again?
The league would save a lot on air fare, hotels, food, appearances, uniforms, etc. Instead send Certificates of Honor to the players on both Pro Bowl rosters. And don't send a physical certificate. Email the certificate as a printable attachment to the honorees to save $44.52 on postage.
A Combined Combine
Scouting departments work all year. So why do they need so much time between the scouting combine and the NFL Draft? Forget all the individual workouts. If a prospect doesn't work out at the combine, then they won't get drafted three hours later. And by the way, the speed a collegian can go from t-shirt and shorts into a suit (with a shower in between) is timed to rate quickness, flexibility, color coordination and fashion sense. Who's gonna wear a tacky white suit with a red shirt and black bow tie now?
Super Bowl Halftime
Some people watch the Super Bowl just for the new commercials. Advertising during the big game brings in a lot of money. But as far as advertising, no one pays more than infomercials. So instead of a crummy stage show with pyrotechnics and a possible cheap boob flash in the name of media attention, give the time to Billy Mays as he debuts the newest make-life-easier product: Kid-PS, a global positioning microchip you embed under your child's skin so you can track wherever they are at any time. It's almost pain-less!
Save the Detroit Lions' season
Cancel the Lions' final game and award them a win via forfeit. And be sure to commemorate the technical victory. I'm sure "Avoided History! 1-15!" T-shirts would sell a lot better than "A New Low! 0-16!" tees.
Recycle the Cleveland Browns
Next year, schedule Cleveland for as many road games on natural surfaces. The messier, the better. After the game, don't wash the jerseys. Leave the mud on and use those same jerseys for home games. A dirty shirt will almost resemble the brown home jerseys while saving a lot on water and detergent.
Bills Naming Rights
If Major League Baseball can call the Angels the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim or the Anaheim Angels of Los Angeles or the Angels of the Andromeda Universe or wherever, then the NFL can do it. The Bills put their home city up for auction. They will either remain Buffalo's team, or become the Toronto Bills. Then again, Toronto and Buffalo could put their money together and share the team. Buffato or Toronffalo maybe?
Fees For All
The league has the right to review game video and fine players for illegal hits days later. Expand on the idea and charge for any penalty. Various personal fouls or unsportsmanlike conduct charges (face mask, horse collar, chop blocks, blows to the head, unnecessary roughness, roughing the kicker, excessive celebration) cost $100 per yard. The NFL has the authority to fine for whatever the league deems fit, including uniform infractions, too much crowd noise, showing up the officiating, and poorly choreographed cheerleader routines. The league will get rich off of the Oakland Raiders!
To read more by Randolph Charlotin, visit his blog at http://www.newenglandpatriotsnews.com/randolphc/weblog/. He can be reached at lordrc@verizon.net. |
